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Guess
who's plastering posters around the UK this Christmas
with the words 'I wish the baby Jesus had never been
born' on them? A Satanic group dreading another celebration
of the Christ child's birth? Radical atheists who
want to open our eyes to the futility of religion?
In
fact it's The Samaritans, Britain's trendy 'listening
charity', which is keen to flag up just how 'excruciating'
the season of goodwill can be. The cheery charity
says the anti-baby Jesus slogan is 'an attempt to
illustrate the dread with which some people view the
festive period' (1), when 'increased expectations
of "high spirits" among family or friends
can lead to a deflating sense of anti-climax if they
fail to materialise' (2).
Talking
up holiday horrors has become an annual institution
for The Samaritans. Last year they claimed that 'financial
worries will affect almost one in four this Christmas…[and]
one in five people find the pressure to have a good
time makes Christmas difficult' (3). This year they've
stuck all the stats together and come up with: '60
percent of us find aspects of Christmas…depressing.'
(4) So much for the season to be jolly.
The
Samaritans aren't alone. Charities, cops, government
bodies, men of the cloth and economists are falling
over themselves to warn us of the financial, familial,
emotional, stressful, criminal and diet-related disasters
that make up the holidays. From disease-spreading
office parties to wife-beating on Boxing Day, from
getting robbed on the high street to falling out with
your family, Christmas seems to have become one long
holiday from hell. Or as a happy-clapper vicar puts
it: 'Over the Christmas period, more people attempt
suicide, more families break up, there are more arguments,
and people can't stand it….' (5)
What
ever happened to goodwill, good cheer and having a
good time? To carefree celebrations with family (sometimes
a burden) and friends (often a laugh)? Forget it.
Now we have a not-so-festive season that is apparently
a straining, stressful and depressing time that can
push even the most rational adult over the edge of
too much turkey, booze and selection boxes. So let
us give praise that there are more than three wise
men to help us through the yuletide psychological
traumas.
The
scares started early this year, with warnings about
Christmas office parties. If you thought the obligatory
work party was nothing more than a boring/embarrassing/remotely
fun affair, think again. According to the experts,
the annual piss-up can make you sick, destroy your
career, or even end in sexual violation - and not
the good kind.
'Knees-up
can spell career mess-up' warned a BBC headline on
3 December 2002 (6), as a survey of 1225 working adults
found that many had done something career-threateningly
embarrassing at a work do - from 'dancing inappropriately'
to 'being rude to the boss' to 'flashing a part of
their anatomy'. 'If the results of the survey were
applied to the population as a whole, 2.3million people
would have done something embarrassing at past bashes',
pointed out BBC News helpfully, with one expert claiming
that all this bad behaviour can 'ruin careers' (7).
If
you don't leave the office party clutching your P45
you might leave clutching your snout. 'Christmas parties
trigger colds' said a headline on 13 December 2002
(8), with GPs claiming that the spread of coughs,
colds and misery around the UK could be down to 'so
many Christmas parties' and all that 'close contact'.
'You have parties and people are close to each other,
so you're more likely to catch the virus', says one
medical expert (9). It's coming to something when
Christmas parties are seen as more likely to spread
disease than goodwill.
Apparently
there's another, more serious reason to avoid close
contact at the office do - the possibility of being
raped. 'PARTY PREDATORS' screamed a headline in the
UK Mirror in mid-December 2002, complete with
a picture of the 'date rape drug' Rohypnol, as London's
Metropolitan Police launched a TV ad campaign 'warning
women of the danger of date rapists spiking their
drinks at office Christmas parties' (10). The Met's
Detective Chief Inspector Richard Walton had this
Christmas message for the nation:
'The
office party is a very dangerous environment and women
must be on their guard. You are much more likely to
be raped by a work colleague at this time of year
than by anybody else. We are sure this Christmas party
season will produce a big rise in rapes where drink
or food has been spiked. The message to women is…don't
put your glass down and if someone offers to buy you
a drink, keep an eye on what they are doing.' (11)
The
office party a 'very dangerous environment'? Where
anyone who offers you a drink should be treated with
suspicion? Next they'll be telling us that hanging
up mistletoe at work dos is little more than an excuse
for predatory men to infect naive women with a nasty
virus while ruining their careers in time for Christmas.
And
how many date rape cases in the UK have been linked
to Rohypnol, whose ominous picture has accompanied
most of the Christmas scare stories? Er, none. The
police claim that '67 different drugs have been linked
to date rape', '19 have definitely been used in British
cases', but 'Rohypnol has yet to be confirmed in a
woman's bloodstream in the UK' (12).
Women's
woes don't end with the office party. The Tories,
of all people, are using the festive season to flag
up the 'Christmas holiday's hidden problem' - domestic
violence. Tory activists are distributing 10,000 posters
around the country with the words 'Another Boxing
Day' running across an image of a woman cowering beneath
a clenched fist. 'Christmas is a particularly difficult
time in some families', says the Tory spokeswoman
for women, and apparently 'such problems get worse
at Christmas when levels of stress, alcohol and debt
increase, and domestic violence reaches a peak' (13).
The
Tories' newfound interest in battered women reflects
the idea that home life is especially traumatic over
the festive season. If wives aren't being beaten by
their husbands, then marriages are falling apart ('Divorce
rates rocket during festive season', says one headline),
teenagers are committing suicide ('the number of suicides
increases immediately after New Year', say The Samaritans),
or parents are being stressed out by their kids ('Pester
power drains parents', says one report).
No
doubt tensions do boil over in some homes over Christmas
(especially in those inhabited by 'real people' with
'financial problems', as the caring and sharing Tories
describes them). But since when did Christmas become
the Season For Flagging Up Every Problem Afflicting
Humanity? Instead of being seen as a chance to relax,
give thanks and rejuvenate, Christmas has become the
focal point for politicians', the media's and charities'
fears about our mental and physical health. Bah humbug
indeed.
If
you want to escape the dangers lurking in the office
and the traumas waiting for you at home, you can always
partake in a bit of shopping therapy. Except that…'As
Christmas nears, the shoppers will be out in force
and with them the fraudsters', reports the UK Guardian.
'That friendly tap on the shoulder as you're at the
cash machine may not be all it seems', the Guardian
reports. 'With Christmas approaching, police are warning
people to be extra-careful with their credit and debit
cards because fraudsters are out in force.' (14)
Apparently,
shopping at Christmas is a minefield of con artists,
pickpockets, stressed-out shopaholics, and potential
terrorists. 'Bin Laden to target Christmas shoppers',
said the front page of the Daily Express on
19 December 2002, warning that 'terror attacks could
be unleashed on Britain this Christmas by al-Qaeda
fanatics already in the country'. And if the terrorists
or fraudsters don't get you, your own neurosis might.
The Mental Health Foundation warns that a 'crowd of
frantic shoppers' can 'push up your stress levels',
so maybe it's best to 'avoid the shops altogether
by using mail order or the internet' (15). Except
that…
'Buy
online but watch for crime' is the advice from the
UK government. At the end of November, New Labour
advised us to shop via the web 'to avoid crowded high
streets', but warned that fraud can take place on-
as well as offline (16). According to a headline in
the Observer on 22 December 2002, 'Cyber theft
will net millions as Christmas shoppers go online'.
Apparently, 'gangs of fraudsters [will] cash in on
the internet sales boom'. Who knew Christmas shopping
was such a stress-inducing, crime-risking, terrorist-attacking
activity?
At
least we don't have to worry about being burgled in
the immediate run-up to Christmas. 'Even for Britain's
criminal fraternity, Christmas is a time for rest
and recuperation, as burglars take time off on Christmas
Eve and Christmas Day', says a reassuring BBC News.
Except that… 'In the week leading up to Christmas
burglars go on a crime spree' (17). They giveth -
then they taketh away.
So
work is dangerous, home is traumatic and shopping
is deadly - but at least there are still the small
but perfectly formed pleasures of Christmas, like
watching children's faces light up when they receive
their gifts from Santa. Except in Maidenhead, Berkshire,
that is, where a congregation of parents and kids
was told by the Reverend Lee Rayfield that 'Santa
Claus is dead' (18). The reverend explained that Santa
'defies science' and that 'reindeer would burst into
flames if they had to travel at the speeds necessary'.
But when some Church of England vicars have given
up believing in God, we can hardly expect them to
believe in Santa.
According
to other reports, behind the childish smiles that
greet Santa's toys there often lurks a broken family.
'British parents spoil their kids, particularly at
Christmas time', says one report. 'Many parents, under
pressure from their offspring, are willing to break
the bank in order to keep their children in fashionable
clothes…. One in five adults surveyed admitted
to not paying bills in order to meet their kids' demands
[and] more than a quarter claimed that they even went
without a haircut in order to pamper their children.'
(19)
But
maybe parents see such sacrifices as worth making
in order to make their children happy and fulfilled
over the holiday season? In our scroogey times, it
looks like some people find such notions as odd as
reindeer travelling at the speed of light.
If
you have older children in their post-Santa years,
there are other worries. 'New wave of sophisticated
alcopops fuels teenage binge drinking' warned a headline
on 14 December 2002, telling parents that 'teenagers
are gripped by an "epidemic"' of boozing.
Apparently, the bingeing is 'so severe that it has
seen consumption almost double in the past decade,
health experts warned as the nation begins its Christmas
celebrations in earnest' (20).
That
is typical - health experts issuing such dour warnings
just 'as the nation begins its Christmas celebrations'.
Teenagers have always got drunk during the Christmas,
New Year and any other period, whether it was on cider,
cheap lager or the new 'sophisticated alcopops'. Apparently
it isn't only the teens that can't be trusted with
the bottle over the festive season. Thames Valley
Police warn that 'appeals for people not to drink
and drive over Christmas are being ignored', and Liverpool
City Council is planning to 'flood [Liverpool] city
centre with rickshaws' over Christmas, in an 'effort
to combat drink-driving'. Why not flood the city with
taxis instead? And when are we going to have a Christmas
holiday free from lectures about drinking and driving?
Surely,
amid all the horror, terror and trauma that makes
up the modern Christmas, one part of the festive season
remains sacred - the eating of food? Not quite. Some
campaigns are flagging up the dangers of overeating
('Obesity levels set to soar' says one headline),
while other campaigns are talking up the dangers of
under-eating. 'Bulimia reaches an all-time high over
Christmas', says the UK Eating Disorders Centre, 'with
people throwing up all the time and some resorting
to cutting themselves' (21).
So
don't go to office parties in case you get sick, sacked
or raped. Don't get drunk in case you end up in a
car crash or in a rickshaw. Don't overeat, but don't
under-eat either. Don't visit family members for fear
of stirring up tensions, but don't stay at home in
case your husband batters you. Don't buy the kids
too much in case you spoil them, don't buy them too
little in case you give them an inferiority complex
- and remember that Santa and science don't mix.
But
aside from all that, Merry Christmas one and all.
This
article was first published in Spiked
Online and is carried here with the permission
of the author.
Read on:
(1)
Charity's
poster 'could backfire', BBC News, 17 December
2002
(2) Samaritans
and the festive season, The Samaritans, 17 December
2002
(3) 'Season of peace and goodwill? Britain doesn't
think so', The Samaritans, 19 November 2001
(4) Samaritans
and the festive season, The Samaritans, 17 December
2002
(5) Clergyman
calls for Christmas ban, BBC News, 22 November
2001
(6) Knees
up can spell career mess up, BBC News, 3 December
2002
(7) Knees
up can spell career mess up, BBC News, 3 December
2002
(8) Christmas
parties trigger colds, BBC News, 13 December
2002
(9) Christmas
parties trigger colds, BBC News, 13 December
2002
(10) Party
predators, Jeff Edwards, 12 December 2002
(11) Party
predators, Jeff Edwards, 12 December 2002
(12) Party
predators, Jeff Edwards, 12 December 2002
(13) Tory
spotlight on domestic violence, BBC News, 27
November 2002
(14) Beat
the cheats, Rupert Jones and Judith Larner,
Guardian, 23 November 2002
(15) 'Top tips to lift your spirits this Christmas',
Mental Health Foundation, November 2002
(16) Buy
online but watch for crime, shoppers told, Sarah
Left, Guardian, 26 November 2002
(17) Burglars
take Christmas off, BBC News, 18 December 2002
(18) Vicar
tells children Santa is dead, BBC News, 10 December
2002
(19) Britons
'spoil their kids', BBC News, 22 November 2002
(20) New
wave of 'sophisticated' alcopops fuels teenage binge
drinking, Sarah Hall, Guardian, 14 December
2002
(21) When
fat is a festive phobia, Jo Carpenter, Observer,
16 December 2001
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