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A
major row has broken out in Belfast over the authorship
of an article published in “The Blanket”
electronic magazine. An article claiming that the
class war was over was attributed to Newton Emerson
of Portadown News fame. However leading Sinn Fein
activist, Da, claims that his son Cal wrote it as
a comic sketch for the West Belfast Festival. This
claim was immediately contradicted by leading loyalist,
Uncle Andy, who claimed that the piece was actually
written last March by Red Hand Luke, and was stolen
by Billy the Cop who left it in a locker at Ladas
Drive from where Da’s mates stole it last St.
Patrick’s night. The row took a further twist
when Nuala Mc Keever rang Carrie Twomey claiming that
her Mickey wrote the article after a night out on
the cider.
In
an effort to prevent the row breaking out into street
violence Alex Maskey has convened a special meeting
of churchmen, trade unionists and literary critics
to analyse the article and help settle the row. This
simply complicated things. The experts immediately
rejected any notion that Shinners or Loyalists (or
anyone else from Planet Ulster) could possibly have
had a hand in writing such a profound and stimulating
article. Some saw the hand of Charles Murray while
others were convinced that Newton Emerson was either
Peter Jay or Milton Friedmann.
My
point is this, does it matter who wrote the article.
Richard Cranium could have written it for all I care
(probably did). At the end of that day it is the message
that is important. The class war is finally over…
and Gerry Adams was never in the IRA … and the
Colombian three were harmless eco-tourists… and
Gerard Rice is a closet Orangeman… and there
was no collusion behind the sacking of Joe Bowers
and his fellow shop stewards…and Gerry Kelly
never had a sectarian thought in his life…and
vote-counting in Florida is the envy of the democratic
world…and Paula Radcliff didn’t win the
10,000 meters at Munich…and Mick Mc Carthy is
Roy Keanes favourite manager…and some people
really do believe the unbelievable.
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