Rev
Ian Paisley, the Grand old Duke of Unionism, can
lead his DUP into a power-sharing Executive with
Sinn Fein before the 24 November deadline.
This
is provided he can convince his volatile religious
fundamentalist wing the North South bodies are politically
more evil than the Biblical Anti-Christ and Whore
of Babylon combined.
This
might seem a hypocritical observation given the
DUP's presentation by a top level delegation of
its Westminster MPs to the British-Irish Inter-Parliamentary
Body (BIIB) on 24 April – ironically, the exact
date of the 90th anniversary of the start of the
Dublin Rising.
In
making a presentation to the BIIB, the DUP has gone
much further than its rival moderate Ulster Unionist
Party, which has boycotted the Body since its inception
in 1990. The DUP has denied addressing the BIIB
meant the end of the Paisleyites' 16-year boycott.
Indeed, the DUP addressing the BIIB is the most
significant move in the party's history since it
was launched in 1971.
As
to the actual message of the DUP presentation, this
is more about testing opinion within its own ranks
than moving the peace process forward.
The
last thing the Paisleyites want is an electorally
fatal, public civil war which befell David Trimble
and the UUP. Until 24 April, DUP strategy was party
unity before political progress.
The
Paisley camp also recognises the Unionist electorate
is becoming frustrated with the DUP's inaction since
it became the top cat in unionism in the November
2003 Assembly election. 2006 will be make or break
for the DUP.
Bertie
Ahern and Tony Blair are pondering the imponderable
– how the blazes do you get Ian 'Dr No' Paisley
to do a deal with Shinners without the north Antrim
Bible thumpers calling down Sodom-style fire and
brimstone on their political messiah?
The
London jungle drums seem to be hammering out an
unusual rhythm that Blair is riding two DUP horses
at once in the hope one of them will deliver the
goods.
Plan
A is that deputy DUP supremo Peter Robinson will
have the guts to seize control of a sizeable section
of his party and form an United Unionist Coalition
at Stormont with Ulster Unionist boss Reg Empey.
This
would leave Paisley's Bible bashing clique isolated,
resulting in Free Presbyterian prayer meetings the
length of the North appealing for divine approval
for a 'Robinson Must Go' campaign.
Plan
B is to lure the Big Man himself into the Executive.
There's no doubting he would make an excellent First
Minister. But how do you keep fundamentalists from
wrecking everything they touch when they just get
a faint whiff of power-sharing with republicans
or nationalists?
Its
simple. This battle will be won in the fundamentalist
church halls, mission halls and mid-week prayer
and Bible studies across the North over the coming
months.
The
Paisleyite spin doctors must sell a power-sharing
Executive with the Shinners as the only way to 'Save
God-fearing Ulster' from the pagan evils of the
North South bodies.
Taking
Executive seats, therefore, would be an integral
part of a Christian jihad – or holy war –
against a united Ireland.
In
the coming weeks, Paisley's loyal band of Bible
bashers must be converted to the notion the North
South bodies were conceived by satan himself and
moulded in the pit of hell.
There
are enough verses from the New Testament book of
Revelation to convince any Doubting Thomas that
the North South bodies represent a bigger demon
than the hated Anti-Christ.
More
importantly, the Bible brigade themselves must see
the political light that the only way to exorcise
the North of this cross border demon is to form
the Executive before 24 November. It must be sold
to fundamentalists using the Bible.
If
the DUP's substantial 'born again' faction passionately
believe it is God's Will for its earthly messiah
(Ian senior) to form the Executive to combat Lucifer's
cross border arrangements, then the deal will certainly
be done.
On
paper, it all looks simple. If London and Dublin
plump for Plan A, Robinson will be First Minister;
go for Plan B, and its Big Ian in the top seat.
Either way, Bertie and Tony will have a DUP/SF Government
at Stormont.
Paisleyite
fundamentalists may need to have a political Road
to Damascus conversion like the Biblical hero St
Paul if the Executive is to become a reality.
It
has to be sold to them like the Old Testament manna
from heaven which saved the Israelites in the wilderness
– not the evil apple which the devil tempted
Eve to gobble in the Garden of Eden.
Seasoned
political pundits may want to puke at the thought
of using the Bible as the lever to bring the Paisley
camp on board after almost four years of stalemate
since the October '02 suspension.
But
it must not be portrayed as a case of the religious
Paisleyites supping soup with the devil. As far
as fundamentalists are concerned, they must not
backslide from the Biblical standpoint that entering
an Executive is really spitting soup in satan's
face.
London
and Dublin will not get their answers from political
press conferences. They must study carefully the
religious utterances of Paisley at 'Free P' functions,
and especially the sermons of the Orange and Black
clerics during the Marching Season – particularly
on the Twelfth and Black Saturday.
Fundamentalists
feed on Biblical verses. So Tony and Bertie, give
them plenty of texts and they will troop into the
Promised Land – but just make sure you quote
from the Authorised King James Version. Many fundamentalists
loathe the modern translations – so sell them
some of that Auld Tyme Gospel religion.
