Dear
David,
It's
been a while old friend. How have you been? It looks
like the lure of even long faded limelight still
holds its attractions for you. Still haven't learned
your lessons I see. You are still like the stubborn,
jaded and lesser-spotted Bitter-moth heading inexorably
a fiery doom. If you were trying to commit suicide
I wouldn't mind so much. But not even you can commit
suicide twice, even if was the political variety.
Tell
me, why are you rearing your head above the battered
parapet again to tell us your theories about why
Republicans have not done enough to satisfy Unionist
demands? Before you whole-heartedly participated
in the destruction of your own party by bending
over to accommodate Sinn Fein you seemed trusting
enough.
Joint Authority you tell us will not 'fly'. Why
not, prey tell? Surely, if memory serves me correctly,
there were plenty of times when you practically
begged the British Government to press ahead and
leave nationalists peering through the gates at
Castle Buildings. Now, presumably that the shoe
is on the other foot you have regained the vigour
of your youth.
What
are you going to do on November 25th, David, if
Joint Authority suddenly develops wings? Will you
dig up old Billy Craig, jump back on the platform
and reconvene the Vanguard to "Liquidate the
enemy"?
What
about another big strike? You may find it harder
this time round to locate as many hard working Protestants
to run to your aid, if only because nobody has a
job. Furthermore in the intervening years, industry
has gone to the wall, so you won't be able to grind
the 'Province' to a halt. You and your ilk smashed
the Unions, so they won't come to your assistance
either. What about the UDA? Oh sorry I forgot, they're
too busy making money.
Who
exactly were you representing on last Sunday's Politics
Show? It wasn't the UUP that's for sure. You wouldn't
have the gall to back the DUP would you? Of course
you would because you followed their policies often
enough when your own failed.
Are
you seeking Unionist unity in the face of the Romanist
hoards? Will you don your sullied sash this summer
and tread the melting tarmac in pursuit of some
hackneyed notion of yesteryear?
I
have to say that I didn't know that you were a fan
of situation comedies until I saw you star in that
one off on BBC3 recently. Someone suggested to me
that it was actually a dicumentary (no I did spell
it correctly, thank you), but I told them to wise
up. You must be getting a few bob for the re-runs
on UKTV Gold. You're a desperate man altogether.
Imagine listening to Elvis and opera, Jesus, that
cracked me up.
Anyway,
I have to go. My toe-nails need cutting and it's
only fifteen minutes until Celebrity Jigs and Reels
starts! Yes I've much more important things to be
doing. It's a shame you don't.
Yours
insincerely,
Eamon.
